April 21, 2005 was the day my life changed forever. It was the day my mom suddenly passed away from a heart attack and entered the Eternal Kingdom, leaving us all behind to figure out life without her. I had talked to her only a few hours before she died, but did not know it was the last time I would ever hear her voice. If I had known, I would not have let her off the phone. I would have told her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. If I had known, I would not have been pre-occupied and I would have remembered her every word. If I had only known.....
After finding out she was already gone, I can remember every detail. I remember what I said, how I felt and what each room in my parent's house looked like. I remember the panic, the confusion, the sadness and the shock. Five years later, I still feel many of the same emotions.....the sadness is just as strong and I yearn to hear her voice.
I wish my kids had memories of their grandma. We found out we were pregnant with Shaylah only two months after my mom passed away. It was always a regret of mine that we didn't start our family sooner, but we didn't know what the future was going to bring. The kids know what she looked like, they can hear her play piano hymns on her CD, they know her favorite color was pink and they know she loved to help people. They listen to my memories of her, but they never knew her as a person. I will always be sad about that.
Each of the kids picked out a flower to give to her today. She is still greatly missed and loved.
Remembering and loving you Mom. Today and always!
Very bittersweet seeing the kids carrying the flowers. Thanks for sharing this, I can't even imagine what that shock and panic would feel like...but for some of the other emotions, I totally get it. That is so great that you have her playing hymns on cd. Something right?
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